Unhappy Halloween

In the Illinois race for governor, it's not a happy Halloween for voters. In a recent poll, 90 percent of voters said they don't like the candidates. It's trick or trick.

Speaker Pelosi?

For all those Republicans who are upset by their party and plan to opt out of the November 7 elections, repeat after me: "Congratulations, Speaker Pelosi."

Living a Life

Don't settle for just making a living. Make a life.

Political Crutches

Tammy Duckworth and Michael J. Fox are just the latest Democrats who attempt to sway voters through the shameless exploitation of their physical disabilities. The neophyte Duckworth, who opposes experienced Republican legislator Peter Roskam in Illinois' 6th congressional district, lost both of her legs in Iraq. Now during campaign appearances Duckworth shows off her prostheses in a transparent bid to get the sympathy vote–and to cover up her clear ignorance on the issues.

Fox, meanwhile, is making commercials and personal appearances highlighting his Parkinson's for Democratic candidates who support morally and scientifically suspect embryonic stem cell research. Fox, like all advocates of ESC research, refuses to acknowledge that no one opposes stem cell research, just the kind that destroys nascent human life.

These folks have every right to run for office and say what they want. It's a free country. But being persons with disabilities does not grant them superior moral status or insight–and should not get them even one extra vote. Period.

Turn Off T.O.

Terrell Owens, a great receiver who was nonetheless booted off the Eagles last season after tearing the team apart and who this season has turned the Dallas franschise into a three-ring circus, is ripping Giants running back Tikki Barber for being "selfish." Barber's sin is saying that he plans to retire after this season.

Will someone tell Owens to just keep his mouth shut and play football? One sign of maturity is resisting the urge to verbalize every stupid thing that pops into your head. T.O., it's time to grow up.

Memo to Candidates

I know "negative" campaign ads are supposed to "work," but they don't work with me. I don't believe that this opponent personally carries illegals on her back across the Rio Grande. I seriously doubt that that one wants to ban Dr. Seuss or Martin Luther King Jr. from the school library. And I'm almost certain that the one over there doesn't intend to harm "our kids." These ads do, however, cause me to think less of you. If you want my vote, give me a reason, any reason, to vote for you.

Rules for Living

No. 183: When a Hollywood celebrity endorses a candidate, vote for the other guy (or gal).

Gaming the System

Detroit Tigers ace Kenny Rogers was caught with an illegal substance on the fingers of his pitching hand the other night. He had to wash it off and continued pitching eight shutout innings. The substance certainly helped Rogers grip the ball in the current cold weather, conferring upon him an unfair advantage over hitters. Baseball people say this kind of thing happens all the time and aren't making a big deal of it.

No doubt cheating is widespread in our society because the stakes are so high. And also because even when you get caught nothing much happens. Apparently results matter more than character. I guess we shouldn't complain about things like voter fraud, embezzlement, and other ways people game the system to their own advantage. If everybody does it, it must be all right. Right?

Image Over Experience

Barack Obama, the inexperienced but telegenic Illinois politician who has served less than two years in the Senate, says he is seriously considering a presidential run in 2008. It's true that senatorial experience is no guarantee that a candidate has what it takes (see files maked "Kerry," "Dole," and "Gore"). But are we prepared to say image completely trumps experience? If so, then I don't want to hear another word about how George W. Bush, a sitting governor, didn't have the experience to be president.

Winding Roads

With all due respect to Subaru, every day is not a winding road.

Time to Win

President Bush says his goal in Iraq remains the same: victory. OK, then: Win it. The American people are tired of waiting, tired of the death counts, tired of the same old explanations and excuses, tired of Iraqi militias, tired of everything. Iraq is important, so commit the resources needed and aim for victory. Do what it takes, and get it over with. If you don't, the whole thing could be lost when you leave office.

Good and Wal-Mart

Wal-Mart's decision to offer generic drugs for $4 a prescription has the corporation's implacable enemies confused. Here you have Wal-Mart (evil) undercutting drug company profits (evil) to help the poor (good) pay for their prescriptions (good), at the same time driving the local mom-and-pop pharmacies (good) out of business (evil). My guess is the political spinmeisters will continue attending their anti-Wal-Mart protests but stop to pick up their prescriptions on the way home.

Who You Know

In life, it's often not what you know but who you know that makes the difference. It's the same in the afterlife ... or, rather, Who knows you.

Voter Amnesia

When it comes to national security issues, the Democrats must hope voters have short-term memory loss. Now that North Korea has nuclear weapons, Democrats say that we need a Strategic Defense Initiative "that works."

Wait a minute. Isn't it the Democrats who ridiculed President Reagan's SDI as a "Star Wars" pipe dream? Isn't it the Democrats who have opposed funding Bush's SDI initiatives, even for basic research? (And how can we have an SDI "that works" if we can't even pursue basic research?)

Isn't it the Democrats who, after September 11, said SDI was a boondoggle because our enemies were using jets and didn't have missiles? And isn't it Democrats who sent the feckless and gullible Jimmy Carter last decade to bribe North Korea not to pursue its nuclear ambitions? (Memo to Carter and Clinton: The North Koreans took your bribes and pursued the program anyway.)

These are the Democrats who are now poised to take over the House and Senate. These are the Democrats who may pursue impeachment charges because "Bush lied" over Iraq. These are the Democrats who expect us to trust them with our national security. These are the Democrats who think we have forgotten their sorry politicization of national security.

And the sad truth is, they may be right.

Horrendific Win

Rex Grossman, my favorite football player, performed so badly last night (four picks, two lost fumbles, no touchdowns) that I've coined a new word to best capture it: horrendific, which combines horrendous and horrific. Rex was horrendific, but the defense scored two late touchdowns, followed by an 83-yard punt retuen for a touchdown for Chicago, followed by a missed field goal for the Cardinals. It all adds up to a horrendific win for the still undefeated Bears, and a crushing loss for the hard-luck Cardinals and their fans. I was surprised that the police didn't show up at the stadium last night to arrest the Bears for stealing.

Revenge Versus Forgiveness

Contrast the violent reaction of many radical Muslims worldwide to cartoons and the pope's remarks with the forgiving response of Amish people in Pennsylvania to the murder of five young women and the wounding of five more by a shooter. Muslims rampaged over perceived slights, while the Amish openly forgave the family of the murderer, even to the point of providing donated money to the bereft widow.

Forgiveness, though difficult and not always carried out by Christians, is nonetheless intrinsic to Christianity, whose Founder said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Such a response is incomprehensible and even scandalous to many people–and also powerfully attractive to those who are sick of endless cycles of violence.

Kim's Caviar

Explicitly ruling out the use of force against North Korea, the United Nations instead decided to hit Kim Jong-Il where it hurts. Weapons and luxury shipments to the megalomaniacal dictator are now off limits. (Were weapons shipments ever OK?) Don't worry, after we cut off Kim's caviar, I'm sure he'll see the light and give up his nuclear weapons.

Running Out of Air

Air America, the liberal talk radio network nobody listens to, has just filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. The heart just bleeds, doesn't it?

Mosque and State

American Muslims are complaining that they might face legal jeopardy if they donate to Islamic "charities" that support terrorism. They are asking the government to give them an approved list of Muslim charities. Figure it out for yourself, folks, and if you don't know whether a charity backs terrorism, don't send any money.

False Alarm

Admit it: When the news first was announced yesterday that a single-engine plane had hit a New York high rise, you thought it might be terrorism. It wasn't, thereby confining the tragedy to the victims and the family and friends of the two people in the aircraft, including Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle. If it had been a terror attack, though, aren't you glad there are adults in charge?

Axis of Evil Revisited

Remember when the soft-on-terror crowd complained when the president labeled Iran, Iraq, and North Korea as the Axis of Evil? Let's see: Iran has a fanatical president who denies the Holocaust and brags about the country's efforts to acquire nuclear weapons. Iraq is overrun with bloodthirsty Islamists and Saddam-era thugs who will stop at nothing to drive the Americans out and crush that nation's fragile democracy. North Korea, basically a country-sized cult run by a megalomaniac, says it has joined the nuclear club, and even its closest ally, China, is dismayed.

Conclusion? George W. Bush has the gift of understatement.

Sneaky Aging

"For most of my working life, I was the youngest person doing what I was doing," Bill Clinton said during his recent 60th birthday celebration. "Then one day I woke up, and I was the oldest person in every room."

The Key Questions

With the Republicans in seeming political freefall, Americans must decide whether dissatisfaction with the Bush administration's mishandling of the war and (incredibly) Dennis Hastert's mishandling of Mark Foley mean the Democrats should be given control of Congress. Aside from economic questions (because the Republicans have done a generally good job here), the question voters must face soberly in an age of terror is whether they trust the Democrats more than the Republicans to keep us safe.

Doesn't the question answer itself? Let me put it this way: Would you rather have Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Charles Rangel making those decisions? You might want to "send a message" to the Republicans, but what message will you be sending to the likes of North Korea, al Qaeda, and the thugs in Iraq?

Rooting for Serial Killers

One of the major television networks is advertising a new show with the slogan, "Finally, a serial killer you can root for." Great. Now we're rooting for serial killers. What's left? Pedophiles?

Democratic Values

If families were democracies, adults wouldn't have children.

Shameless Double Standard

Granted, Mark Foley's behavior is reprehensible and repulsive (to everyone but NAMBLA). Even if it weren't, he deserves to be thrown out of office for his sheer stupidity. The Democrats, however, are baying for even more blood and are seeking Dennis Hastert's resignation. Hastert, of course, says that he would have done something earlier if he had known about Foley's sick little instant messages. But let's face it: He did dump Foley, and the Republicans have not circled the wagons to defend the guilty as the Democrats did with Clinton. I have not heard one word from Republicans that "it's only about sex" or "it depends what the meaning of is is." And as far as we know, the Foley Fiasco does not involve actual sexual contact, as opposed to Clinton and Lewinsky. And the Foley revelation seems suspiciously timed so that it is too late to get another Republican name on the ballot in Foley's place.

Oh, well, there's at least one silver lining: This mess has completely eclipsed coverage of Bob Woodward's anti-Bush book in the news media.

Foley's Folly

Mark Foley is doing what every public figure (remember Mel Gibson?) does when caught in embarrassing sin: blaming his problem, at least partly, on alcohol. Yes, drinking too much definitely plays a role, but I wonder if it is sometimes a symptom of a deeper problem than the cause of a more public problem. Also, what do you blame if you're a teetotaler?

The Foley Fiasco

The Foley Fiasco brings to light a number of interesting points.

1. In discussing his homosexuality, Mark Foley says that as a boy he was sexually abused by a clergyman. Many homosexuals were abused earlier in life, lending credence to the notion that homosexuality is a disorder.

2. Foley's interest in underage congressional pages highlights the link between homosexuality and pedophilia. While gays are no more than 3 percent of the population, they constitute about a third of child sexual abusers. Perhaps reluctance to grasp this obvious point made Republican leaders skittish about confronting Foley about any alleged problems with pages.

3. The Democrats' newfound umbrage over a sinful sexual matter contrasts nicely with their previous kid-glove treatment of scandals involving Clinton, Frank, and Studds. I wonder if it will last past November.

Hugo's Gas

Today on my way to work, with my gas tank nearly empty, I passed up regular unleaded at Citgo for $2.39 a gallon, the cheapest I have seen. Why? Not because I like driving on fumes, but because I don't want to subsidize the Venezuelan oil industry, run by Hugo Chavez.

Last week Chavez called our president the devil. This week we Americans should send our own message. Let's not buy Venezuelan oil until Chavez's corrupt regime is out.

Eat Your Spinach

The federal government says the spinach supply is safe and we may resume eating it. That sound you just heard is the collective groan of every self-respecting kid in America.

Seeking an Advantage

Mark Foley, a Republican congressman from Florida, is suspected of sending "inappropriate e-mails" to a former page. Democrats, seeking an advantage for the upcoming election, are quick to allege a cover-up from Republican leaders. Why was not more done to protect the Louisiana boy from the unnatural interest of the congressman?

Not that there's anything wrong with it!